Worth seeing but not really a must see in movie theaters. Drags a little bit, couple of funny parts.

3/5 OMGS 3/5 LOLs

I watched a few movies recently, on which I will elaborate after I impart upon you this important piece of advice:

Unless you want to watch your herb garden slowly choke under a ruthless minty-fresh reign, do not attempt to cultivate mint. It’s really easy to grow — too easy. Do you understand? DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

Every man knows that nurturing an herb garden is a god-given right, not a privilege, and it is your duty as a non-savage/barbarian citizen of this, our green and blue and yellow Earth to grow herbs god dammit. I implore you to throw caution to the wind, you glorious bird, and soar! Spread your ugly pigeon wings and fly! With herbs!

On to the movies. I saw two that I will speak on today. The first being “Fat Kid Rules The World”. I didn’t pay too much attention during the film, but from what I gather it involves Kurt Cobain and a rather rotund (heh hehe heh) kid and their zany adventures. I don’t know. I don’t think I’d watch it again. 3 OMG’s and four LOL’s, but it’s an almost-new movie and I think I cried during one scene.

The second movie was a horror film, the title of which escapes me. The Innkeepers maybe, I’m not all-in on that bet though. I thought it was funny at first, because I enjoyed the lead actress, but then it turned into a horror which upset me even though I knew it was a horror to begin with. I went through most of the movie thinking it wasn’t actually going to be a horror. Ugh. Ugh! Fuck! Right? Fuck! 1 OMG 2 LOL’s

I saw about eight samurai films too. Those kinds from the 50’s and 60’s that are black and white. So great. They’re like spaghetti westerns, but with swords. 8 OMGS, 7 LOL’s (’cause they’re not all humorous).

Thanks,

Love,

Adam

P.S.

I recently went through my whole life not knowing what the word “effervescent” meant, and now that I know it essentially means “bubbly” I have to say I’m not terribly fond of it. Also, the grocery store smelled like feet yesterday. What?

Not really a review, more of just James and I talking during the movie via the interwebz.

me: so im watching the new pokemon movie; you would think that after 12-14 years of not being able to capture pikachu, jessie, james and meowth would call it quits

also ash doesnt seem to be on a good track to being a pokemon master

using ember against a water type pokemon….noob

james: Yeah but ash always picks some random so he can learn the lesson that water put out fire

me: seems like the people of the pokemon universe don’t learn quickly

james: Also shouldn’t ash be in his 20s by now. I feel like he’s still like 13. Probably why he doesn’t learn very quickly

me: i think his voice is slightly deeper so maybe like 15

the pokemon on the cover of black and white are dragon type?

they look like birds

james: Yeah. I never got that far though. And pretty sure they looked like dragons

me: the white one looks like a bird

the black one looks like a black reptar

james: Slightly. But it’s got hands on its wings

Apparently the white on is fire. It’s not even red that doesn’t make sense

me: white fire

super hot

so hot he’s legendary

james: Ah makes sense

Cod? Or you too busy watching the poke mans

me: i can pause the pocket monsters

oh, googled this pokeman movie and apparently it’s a 2movie pack and I only have 1

black and white

judging by the cover, it’s 2 different stories

I was slightly disappointed in this movie. The commercials made it seem cool but it isn’t all that great. If I paid to watch this in theaters, I would’ve felt as if it wasn’t worth my money. What also disappointed me was that during the Skrillex cameo, there were no wubs or unces.

Overall, there were a couple of funny moments but it just wasn’t what I expected the movie to be.

1 OMG
2 LOL

This is your standard Jason Statham movie. He runs around kicking ass and being awesome in the attempts to save a little Chinese girl. Plenty of action and a decent, yet predictable story.

5 OMGs and 2LOLs (chuckled at 2 or 3 scenes)

there are only 3 reasons to watch this movie

otherwise save your money. theres a lack of storyline here. Kate Beckensale and Jessica Biel are sexy as usual, but thats what the internet is for.

3OMGS for 3boobs 0LOLs
go see The Bourne Legacy: The Bournening

Amnesia movies are quite played out, and im sure bourne does it better

The latest movie from Broken Lizard. Hour and a half of jizz jokes. Roughly thirty minutes of it showoff Olivia Munn’s sex appeal. Mediocre boob scenes (Same boobs, different times and unfortunately not Olivia Munn boobs).

2 OMGs  2 LOLs

Cheesy, poorly made telenovela in movie form starring Will Ferrell.

2 LOLs 2 OMGs

Let’s pretend that I’ve seen this movie.

I felt, as a professional movie-goer, that this film was superbly crafted. Good job, Christopher Nolan (I call him Chris). Really good job, man. The stuff you had Batman do? Priceless. Such a fantastic way to end your epic trilogy. And what you did with the villain guy…Dane Cook, or whatever? I truly enjoyed the suspenseful build-up to that masterpiece of an ending. I did cry. I laughed.

I also appreciate that you included a cat for a supporting character. It really hit home with me. I was able to relate.

Anyways, from probably your biggest fan ever: Thank you for not making Ip Man, which was a terrible movie. Probably the worst movie ever made.

Sincerely,

Adam

80 OMG’s, 20 LOL’s

Adam busts in through the door, “I’m fucking back!”

The imaginary people in the room look around at one another, confused.

Thinking surely, fucking surely they didn’t hear him, he repeats himself: “I’m fucking back!”

He’s panting now. The adrenaline of fucking pure awesome throbbing through his veins. Into his feet and shit, man. It’s wild.

After some silence, one says: “You were gone?”

If Adam were a balloon he would be deflated. FFffffffffzz zzz zz… zzz.

“No. No, I guess I wasn’t,” Adam manages to say despite the growing lump in his throat. The tears welling up in his eyes make it difficult to find the door and leave.

I

AM

FUCKING

BACK