Let’s pretend that I’ve seen this movie.

I felt, as a professional movie-goer, that this film was superbly crafted. Good job, Christopher Nolan (I call him Chris). Really good job, man. The stuff you had Batman do? Priceless. Such a fantastic way to end your epic trilogy. And what you did with the villain guy…Dane Cook, or whatever? I truly enjoyed the suspenseful build-up to that masterpiece of an ending. I did cry. I laughed.

I also appreciate that you included a cat for a supporting character. It really hit home with me. I was able to relate.

Anyways, from probably your biggest fan ever: Thank you for not making Ip Man, which was a terrible movie. Probably the worst movie ever made.

Sincerely,

Adam

80 OMG’s, 20 LOL’s

So, in this rehash of the Superman film franchise, we find our hero in World War II China (the city is named Foshan). I am thoroughly confused as to why the writers chose China, as I (in my hubris, apparently) assumed Superman was an American superhero. You’ll also notice immediately that they’ve done away with the Clark Kent disguise for some reason. Whatever. Crazy Hollywood (Hong Kong…wood?) at it again.

Superman is clearly a douche for working in a coal mine for so long while his country languishes under the evil Japanese alien overlords. He could easily have saved the day at any point, being Superman and possessing such limitless power. Unless the coal is kryptonite now? Maybe it wasn’t coal at all…dun dun dunnnnn. That’s pretty smart actually — putting Superman to work in a kryptonite mine.

Anyways, he gets upset or something and decides to be Superman again and fights like a billion people at once and stuff, etc. Then finally, who I assume to be General Zod (thanks wikipedia) comes out and challenges him to a one-on-one fight. At this point in the movie the outcome is painfully obvious, because:

1.) Superman never dies

2.) Superman has yet to lose a fight in the film thus far

Oh…wait. Spoiler? I don’t know. Too late!

So anyways, Grade: Two LOL’s and an OMG ’cause I didn’t think they’d make another Superman movie anytime soon.

Here’s the IMDb page for this film

Aaaaand you can watch it on Hulu.com now

America. Fuck yeah!

Adam busts in through the door, “I’m fucking back!”

The imaginary people in the room look around at one another, confused.

Thinking surely, fucking surely they didn’t hear him, he repeats himself: “I’m fucking back!”

He’s panting now. The adrenaline of fucking pure awesome throbbing through his veins. Into his feet and shit, man. It’s wild.

After some silence, one says: “You were gone?”

If Adam were a balloon he would be deflated. FFffffffffzz zzz zz… zzz.

“No. No, I guess I wasn’t,” Adam manages to say despite the growing lump in his throat. The tears welling up in his eyes make it difficult to find the door and leave.

I

AM

FUCKING

BACK

If you can’t tell from the barrage of quality posts, OMGmoviesLOL.com (the best movie, and other stuff, review site to ever exist) is back and probably just as terrible before.

But as long as we incite outrage from random internet dumbasses or inform complete idiots what us complete idiots think about stuff and junk, we’ve done a bang up job in our book.

What we did with $75