Gordon Ramsay must be a dinosaur because he keeps calling everything RAWR. heh
heh
heh
Now, I know what you’re thinking
Stop right there, Adam! Stop right there. You’re too…your jokes are too funny.
You’re right, little guy.
God dammit, you’re right.
They
Are
Too
Funny
I watched a few movies recently, on which I will elaborate after I impart upon you this important piece of advice:
Unless you want to watch your herb garden slowly choke under a ruthless minty-fresh reign, do not attempt to cultivate mint. It’s really easy to grow — too easy. Do you understand? DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
Every man knows that nurturing an herb garden is a god-given right, not a privilege, and it is your duty as a non-savage/barbarian citizen of this, our green and blue and yellow Earth to grow herbs god dammit. I implore you to throw caution to the wind, you glorious bird, and soar! Spread your ugly pigeon wings and fly! With herbs!
On to the movies. I saw two that I will speak on today. The first being “Fat Kid Rules The World”. I didn’t pay too much attention during the film, but from what I gather it involves Kurt Cobain and a rather rotund (heh hehe heh) kid and their zany adventures. I don’t know. I don’t think I’d watch it again. 3 OMG’s and four LOL’s, but it’s an almost-new movie and I think I cried during one scene.
The second movie was a horror film, the title of which escapes me. The Innkeepers maybe, I’m not all-in on that bet though. I thought it was funny at first, because I enjoyed the lead actress, but then it turned into a horror which upset me even though I knew it was a horror to begin with. I went through most of the movie thinking it wasn’t actually going to be a horror. Ugh. Ugh! Fuck! Right? Fuck! 1 OMG 2 LOL’s
I saw about eight samurai films too. Those kinds from the 50’s and 60’s that are black and white. So great. They’re like spaghetti westerns, but with swords. 8 OMGS, 7 LOL’s (’cause they’re not all humorous).
Thanks,
Love,
Adam
P.S.
I recently went through my whole life not knowing what the word “effervescent” meant, and now that I know it essentially means “bubbly” I have to say I’m not terribly fond of it. Also, the grocery store smelled like feet yesterday. What?
Not really a review, more of just James and I talking during the movie via the interwebz.
me: so im watching the new pokemon movie; you would think that after 12-14 years of not being able to capture pikachu, jessie, james and meowth would call it quits
also ash doesnt seem to be on a good track to being a pokemon master
using ember against a water type pokemon….noob
james: Yeah but ash always picks some random so he can learn the lesson that water put out fire
me: seems like the people of the pokemon universe don’t learn quickly
james: Also shouldn’t ash be in his 20s by now. I feel like he’s still like 13. Probably why he doesn’t learn very quickly
me: i think his voice is slightly deeper so maybe like 15
the pokemon on the cover of black and white are dragon type?
they look like birds
james: Yeah. I never got that far though. And pretty sure they looked like dragons
me: the white one looks like a bird
the black one looks like a black reptar
james: Slightly. But it’s got hands on its wings
Apparently the white on is fire. It’s not even red that doesn’t make sense
me: white fire
super hot
so hot he’s legendary
james: Ah makes sense
Cod? Or you too busy watching the poke mans
me: i can pause the pocket monsters
oh, googled this pokeman movie and apparently it’s a 2movie pack and I only have 1
black and white
judging by the cover, it’s 2 different stories
I was slightly disappointed in this movie. The commercials made it seem cool but it isn’t all that great. If I paid to watch this in theaters, I would’ve felt as if it wasn’t worth my money. What also disappointed me was that during the Skrillex cameo, there were no wubs or unces.
Overall, there were a couple of funny moments but it just wasn’t what I expected the movie to be.
1 OMG
2 LOL
Is there a market for twice-pickled pickles? Should be. The idea is very similar to twice-baked bread, except the driving theme involves pickling. Something to mull over!
I watched Roger (my asian friend) play some video games recently. Since I don’t have thumbs, or middle fingers, or index fingers, and I’m technically missing a pinkie, I just watched. It’s not creepy because I mainly watch the person playing, not the game, so it’s not like I’m just lounging around like a perv.
Ni No Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch
It’s for children, guys. I don’t know. I fell asleep a lot.
2 OMGS (I guess) and an LOL. They spelled “you’re” as “youer”. I don’t know if they were being eccentric or what. Is this my life now? Watching people play video games while I slip into a depression coma?
Love,
Adam
So Paramore came out with a new single Now. And Fall Out Boy is apparently not dead and with a new single titled, My Songs Know What …and something or another, it keeps going on a while. Seriously, FOB, long song titles ain’t cool, just like you.
Now. Catchy beat. Boring lyrics.
My Songs Know How To Stick A Dick Up My Ass. Decent beat. Meh everything else. Seems like a more dancy version of what they were doing last album. I guess it’s cool they’re back?
Oh, and Silverstein has a new album. I listened to it and didn’t even realize I was listening to something new. They’ll never live up to Discovering the Waterfront.
Suits: Doesn’t seem as good as previous seasons, but still good enough.
Archer: Still pretty awesome. Might need more tactical-necks.
Workaholics: Still hilarious
How I met your mother: why am I still watching this show? It’s terrible
Chicago fire: meh. New episodes still meh
New shows:
Legit: Pretty damn hilarious
The Americans: Off to a pretty good start. Kinda pushing it for a few things though
House of Cards: good. Really good
So this is a movie with Victoria Justice. It’s probably about stuff and junk. I don’t know. Victoria Justice.
This will be another one of those live post thingies that I share with you my thoughts throughout the movie. I will also be playing cod at the same time.
Update 1: starting out in shower. Cool
Update 2: “where are my boobs?” LULZ
Update 3: dads dead? Feel like this will be an annoying unnecessary plot point
Update 4: Nerdy guy from project x. Wish there were as many boobs in this as project x had
Update 5: Porsche bro is all like: dat ass
Update 6: she managed to get out of that embarrassing moment by being really really ridiculously good looking
Update 7: other chick: sexy cat
Update 8: Kid why you gotta make such a creepy face when digging in the hole. It’s creepy
Update 9: he sent that bitch a smiley. Bitches love smileys
Update 10: damn kid. Watch ya language
Update 11: lol. A peterfile
Update 12: Gives kid sugar even though candy is right in front of him. Dick
Update 13: way to abduct a child their bro
Update 14: lulz. “You naired your butt?”
Update 15: eww. She touched his hand
Update 16: “omg. My ass is killing the cat”
Update 17: wait. Did she lose the kid and not give a shit? Might have missed something. But I probably haven’t
Update 18: he gonna get raped. By fat people
Update 19: fat kid loves pirate chicken
Update 20: oh. They are looking for the kid. Driving around randomly looking for the kid will surely be effective
Update 21: I’m sure he gets jacked up
Update 22: I guess wedgies are still cool?
Update 23: 20 second boob grab? That’s a damn good deal
Update 24: And he added the stipulation of it being a cold day
Update 25: “perds” wtf does that mean?
Update 26: chicken humping car? So unnecessary. But funny
Update 27: pretty sure there’s more to setting up a flint pistol that they call a musket
Update 28: pigtail chick. Pretty hot
Update 29: Johnny Knoxville. You’re a dick
Update 30: old dude is fapping to fifty shades of grey
Update 31: “or is it regular retardant”
Update 32: sexy cat: You lost a kid, lets not worry about that and try to get you laid
Update 33: professional grade dog poo
Update 34: he called the shit poop
Update 35: not sure if character is supposed to be wearing a wig or director just didn’t give a shit that it was falling off
Update 36: he just jizzed in his pants
Update 37: the emotions
Update 38: now they’re trying to give this an actual story with like a lesson or something? I’m not buying it
Update 39: so it was just a wig. Or director was really really lazy
Update 40: pretty sure you could just call the cops. Bro has an abducted kid locked in his house. Ain’t nobody else getting in trouble for that
Update 41: you’s gonna get raped
Update 42: ah yes, 8 year old terrorist
Update 43: let him call the cops you dumbass
Update 44: I guess the kid is just fully retardant
Update 45: and he’s getting naked in front of a kid
Update 46: stop trying to make an actual story here
Update 47: I feel like he’s using half the lines he used in project x
Update 48: I don’t like project x bro making out with my Victoria
Update 49: go pro lunchbox. Pretty cool
Update 50: HELLO IM WREN AND IM COOL
Update 51: apparently kid isn’t retardant at all
Update 52: oh it was directed by josh Schwartz
REVIEW
Had no idea what I was watching coming into this except Victoria Justice. And it delivered on that end. And it was pretty funny. The tacking on an actual story was pretty bad and it kinda teetered off toward the end. But overall, entertaining
3 OMGs (for miss justice)
3 LOLs (you naired your butt?)
This will be a live review. My thoughts while I watch what I assume will be a masterpiece.
Update 1: 5 seconds in. Boobs
Update 2: oh a camera? I bet they’re going to “accidentally” film nakedness.
Update 3: and called it.
update 4: chanting of boobies. +1 to LOLs
update 5: lulz. Small penis jokes
update 6: they’re excited they drove through Houston. There goes the believability.
update 7: “a spring…..break?” Umm really? Also, pretty sure that’s a diesel
update 8: guess that’s part of the plot. Don’t know why that caused swerving everywhere though
update 9: dumbass one seems like the best character. Also really hot
update 10: useless ass grab. +.25 to LOLs
update 11: been a while since we showed some boobs. Strip club scene it is
update 12: its 5 people. Get pretty much any car
update 13: oh there are 69 instruments in it. Missed that part I guess. Also lololololol 69
update 14: electrical fires do not work that way. Good night
update 15: obviously have to get rid of the bra. It’s $30
update 16: so why did he get pulled over? Way to leave that unresolved
update 17: meet these 2 random bros in a strip club and now they’re running everything. Come on
update 18: random cop bro doesn’t know how to put on handcuffs
update 19: and he’s still treated like a nerd
update 20: order of hotness:
update 21: anti spring break chick can take number 2 or 3 spot
update 22: and jokes about retards. This movies got everything
update 23: random Mexican time operator probably the best character ever
update 24: oh noes. Evil old businessman
update 25: cop car=beige crown vic with hazards on
update 26: OMG RAIN!!!1! Or some cut grass blown in front of the camera while its super bright outside
update 27: good thing that guy was just walking around. Not cleaning up anything just walking around holding a box of trophies
update 28: ending: what? But it was shut down?
Also what about the other band members? Dead I assume.
And revenge of the nerds dude had a car with Florida plates instead of wherever they live
final review: kinda entertaining. Really stupid. You never see anti spring break chicks boobs. Not good, but also not terrible
1.5 OMGs
2 LOLs
Here Comes The Boom
While the promos made this seem like this was going to be terrible, it really wasn’t bad. The overarching story was pretty weak, but it was funny and entertaining.
2 OMGs
3 LOLs
